i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
