It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
