There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
