conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
