very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
