I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
