Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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