My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
