I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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