I look better un-naked...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
