Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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