Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
