I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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