I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
