Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
