He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You made out with two different species that night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
