After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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