this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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