You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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