I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
