I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You took a bar mat shot.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
