Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
