You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
