is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
