I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
