Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
