MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
