did you get engaged???
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
