smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
