Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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