clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
