i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
