I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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