Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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