rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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