if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
