Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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