Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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