when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
