My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
