I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
