nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
