there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
