Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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