I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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