five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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