Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
