I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ttyl tear gas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
dude. I can hear the air.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
