How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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