I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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