there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm like, not good at living.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize