You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
