I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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