Little spoons don't ask big questions
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
