I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
