Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
