Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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