my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
