Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
