I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dignity is for republicans.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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