What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So vagazzling was a success
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
