There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
