He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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