your thong is hanging out like whoa
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
