just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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