I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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