he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
