Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
